By Fr. Roy Cimagala
SOMEONE sent me a podcast about how one should speak so that people listen and not get turned off. Among the mistakes that should be avoided in this regard are the following: neglecting to prepare, using filler words, talking too fast, talking too softly, forgetting to make eye contact, using distracting mannerisms, having low energy, misusing visual aids, etc.
I suppose there can be many more. We have all sorts of defects and limitations, and in spite of our good qualities, these negative elements always manage to come out, one way or another. That’s a fact of life that we should consider as a given.
Of course, we should try our best to speak in the most ideal way we can manage. There are courses and training for that purpose, and we should not ignore them. On the contrary, we should do everything to sharpen the skills we are taught in this area of public speaking.
But one thing we should never forget is the spiritual side of public speaking. This is basic and indispensable. And this can only mean that while we do everything to prepare ourselves adequately for this task of public speaking, we should not forget to speak always with charity.
And by speaking with charity, what is meant, to be blunt about it, is for us to speak with God and for God. Only then can we manage to know what to say and how to say it, given the conditions and circumstances of a given occasion. Somehow the unavoidable negative elements that will always hound us in our public speaking would be mitigated, if not healed, and can even become an asset or advantage.
This training in charity is most valuable for everyone involved in public speaking. Let’s remember that when we do some public speaking, we are not speaking only to clients or customers or possible voters, etc. We are speaking, first of all, to persons and children of God who have to be treated that way always.
Let’s remember that charity in the end is where the truth is. It embodies everything that is good and proper to us, irrespective of our personal conditions that can vary immensely. It can be forceful but not hurting, soft and meek but not spoiling. It gives us the best combination and blend of apparently contrasting or competing elements involved in our public speaking.
Now, if we have to speak with charity, we should see to it also that we learn how to listen with charity. With charity, we can always get something useful and enlightening even in the worst scenario that a particular public speaking event can occasion.
And this again is a matter of listening with God and for God. Listening with charity enables us to sift and process things calmly and properly. Even in moments of disagreement and conflict, no matter how serious, we can still manage to discern what God wants us to get from a particular speaker. And more importantly, we can manage to love the speaker even if he is clearly wrong about something.
The art of speaking and listening should be animated by the proper spirit of charity. Otherwise, despite the excellent techniques and skills we can have in these areas, we would be swallowing some sweet poisons that can lead us sooner or later to some disaster, spiritually and morally.
The training of speaking and listening with charity always should start in the family and reinforced in schools and in other platforms.
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