By Raoul Suarez
“Idol ko gid ya si Spiderman. Gakolekta ko mga comics kag mga merchandise pati toys. Gusto ko man tani magkasuperpowers ba.”
Pedro. Male. Single. No girlfriend since birth. 35 years of age. A programming expert and a big fan of the Spiderman franchise. Everything you need to know about this webcrawling superhero is cached inside his brain. He has watched all the animated series and has DVD collections as well as soft copies in his cloud. He has a wide collection of comics and graphic novels at his disposal. Action figures. Costumes. Memorabilia. You name it.
Pedro. 35 years of age. Single. No girlfriend since birth. A geek. A weirdo. A boy with a penchant for fantasy trapped inside the body of a pudgy middle-aged man.
Decades ago, he despised Philippine cinema for creating the monstrosity that is Gagamboy. He ranted to his friends why we are all still Indios and we lack imagination. Gagamboy was not even close to Spiderman. It was a rip-off. He wrote about it on his website. He wrote about it for weeks on end. Nobody really paid attention. Back then, not everybody had access to the internet. Not everyone owned a computer. Cellphones were only used for texts and calls. It was a futile attempt to deconstruct the thing he hated the most.
A couple of years ago, he was sent an invitation to be a part of the big Annual Hobbies and Toys Convention. He was ranting why he was not given a better spot and his display was not the centerpiece but he decided to be a part of it and impress people with his knowledge and his collection.
On the day of the convention, not a lot of people were interested with his display. He sat there playing games on his phone to kill the boredom. He thought to himself that people lacked taste and appreciation for better things and would rather just walk around appreciating mediocrity. A teenage boy came to his booth and marveled at his collection. He locked his phone and put it in his pocket, then started a conversation. He introduced himself and started hey had hearty exchanges.
The boy gave Pedro his name. He wanted to be called James. He was named Jaime but James had a better ring to it. Pedro told the boy he can call him Peter or Pete. They both despised the Spanish names that their parents gave them and came to an agreement not to use it anymore.
It was a match made in the Spiderverse. They were both Spiderman fans who crossed paths in a place ridden with Anime and other robotic displays. They were both geeks. They were both weirdos. Pedro finally had someone who could relate to him. They both shared the same fascination. Aside from their interest in Spiderman, both of them had their share of all the bullying from their peers because they were weird. Someday, they will gain superpowers. Someday, they will have their bullies pay for what they did. Jaime stayed at the booth until it was time to pack up and helped Pedro with the merchandise. They added each other on their social media accounts and remained friends up to this very day.
It was not long before Pedro’s obsession took a stranglehold. He desperately wanted to have superpowers. He wanted to become a local hero. He wanted to be this universe’s Spiderman. The only problem is that he was a little hesitant to have a spider bite him. Also, a radioactive spider does not exist. Not in the little town he lived in. Not a chance. He started experimenting. He decided to create gadgets that would help him become a superhero. It did not work. The desperation was starting to set in. When the anxiety started to take a toll on his body, he turned to alcohol as an escape.
It was late in the evening, Pedro decided to call Jaime. He had been drinking alone for the past few days and wanted company. Jaime was not the boy he used to be. He already finished his degree and the Spiderman fancy was not as strong as it was before. He was busy with life and the realities that bite you in the face; bills to pay and siblings to send to school. He had a job that paid below the twenty grand mark because of the unemployment rate plaguing this country. As a good friend though, he obliged Pedro. They downed a few drinks and geek-talked while they were at it. Pedro talked about how he was almost successful with his experiments. In drunk stupor, he promised his friend that he will gain superpowers soon and be off with his miserable life.
Pedro woke up late the next day. Thankfully it was a weekend so he was not able to miss out on work. His thigh ached a little. His hand was tingling. He must have bumped into something last night in all his drunkenness. He took a close look and saw that there were bite marks on both his thigh and his hand; two small bite marks that looked like it came from an insect or an arachnid. He felt a tinge of fear when he found out that the jars, that he had been keeping two of the spiders for his experiments, were open and empty. Those little 8-legged freaks must have bitten him. He did not mind. Later that night, Pedro had to nurse a fever and slept early.
After that incident, Pedro felt that his body was changing. He could lift things better than he used to. His strength had increased; maybe because he has recovered from all that hangover and the spider bites but it wasn’t the case. He discovered that he can walk on walls and had better hearing. He can jump higher than the usual. It was too bad he couldn’t play basketball but who cares anyway. He now had superpowers. He can now fight crime. He was faster. he was stronger. He had superhuman abilities. He can now get back at those who called him a fat wimp with a dark neck. It was payback time. Aside from beating up bullies, he would save damsels in distress. He also planned to help old ladies carry all the groceries. He also thought about moving his mother’s refrigerator to a better spot.
“Mga naghambal to sang una sa akon nga lawlaw ako tapos tambok ako nga itom li-og mahililibi gid ni sila mo. May adlaw gid ni sila.”
He chuckled at the thought of now having the ability to beat up his bullies. His imagination ran wild. He had a lot of ideas in his head. Fighting crime was also in the playbook. He dreamed that maybe he can help with law enforcement and do a crackdown on the drug syndicate in his city; which did not exist anymore because they got killed off by the government so the politicians in the higher office can control the drug trafficking. Some people just don’t read the news. Pedro was one of them. He had powers now though so who cares anyway.
It took a while for Pedro to master whatever superpowers he gained from the bites. Now, he needed a name. An alter ego. Not Spiderman, of course. Not Gagamboy. Definitely not a Hiligaynon-sounding one that involved the word “damang.” No. It had to be something good with a nice ring to it but he could not come up with one. He got himself a notebook and started writing down his ideas but he felt a little lazy.
He turned the fan on and then felt sleepy when the wind hit him. He woke up the next day wondering how much time he wasted on sleeping. It was twelve hours to be exact. He did not sleep like that before. He decided to call his friend but Jaime was not able to pick up. After a couple of attempts he quit it and pondered on how he could put his powers to good use. But first, he needed to know what his weaknesses were to make sure he can escape sticky situations. He turned on the fan again and then fell asleep after the wind hit his face.
“Badtrip man ni man. Natuyo ko ‘ya kung mahanginan ko haw? Natamaran man ko dayon maggwa sa amon balay. Na’no ni ‘ya kuno man?”
He was cursing and swearing after he woke up from another deep slumber. It then dawned upon him that the spiders that bit him were “balaynon.” He was bitten by cowardly and plain house spiders that liked to hang out in the dark recesses of the house. These critters would stay in one spot and laze around all day; waiting for insects to fall prey to the webs they weave. These were lousy spiders that children would put in matchboxes and they would fall asleep when the kids would blow some wind at them.
It was a curse. He had to sleep with the fan off or else he would slumber for hours on end. He was too lazy to get out of the house and mingle with the few friends he had. He was always hanging out in the bathroom and had the urge to eat roaches and other tiny insects. It was a nightmare; the one you had to live with every day. It was also taking a toll on his work-from-home job. He was always sleepy. He spent a lot of time trying to think of solutions on how to counter the laziness and the sleepyhead that he has become but found none that worked. He downed a few glasses of liquor then accidentally turned on the fan and was sent to dreamland.
Sometimes, we should be careful what we wish for. Life has so many ways to shake things up and make things a little difficult. We do not always get what we want. Pedro wished he never gained the damned superpowers. It was useless and it came with a price. All that power raging through his veins came with the laziness and an awkward sleeping pattern that was triggered by something as simple as an electric fan. It was a drag.
Pedro woke up earlier than the usual. He was surprised to find out that the place he was in was not familiar to him. There were fruits on the bedside table. The room was painted white with a small flat screen television mounted on the wall. He was lying in a hospital bed. He turned his head a bit and saw Jaime sitting in the corner. The alcohol poisoning has subsided. He wanted to say something but he did not have the strength to do so. He breathed the sigh of relief. The weird superpowers – it was all just a nightmare after days of being stuck in the hospital. He can be normal again. He smiled at his friend and tried to get up but his thigh ached and so did his hand. They had bite marks.
Pedro. 35 years of age. Single. No girlfriend since birth. A geek. A weirdo. A boy with a penchant for fantasy trapped inside the body of a pudgy middle-aged man. He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to have superpowers. He tried to talk to his friend in order to thank the boy for paying him a visit but was not able to do so. He managed to utter some profanity before the wind coming from the air conditioner hit his face and put him back to sleep
