By The Sunriser
In the modern world where thoughts are measured in characters and wisdom in likes, there dwelled a peculiar species known as the Repetitus Trollius.
These remarkable creatures, convinced of their intellectual supremacy, had mastered the most sophisticated of skills: Control+C, Control+V.
Every morning, they would gather at their designated echo chambers, armed with their carefully curated collection of three-and-a-half thoughts, ready to unleash their devastating wit upon the unsuspecting world. Their battle cry? “Do your own research!” – though they themselves had never ventured beyond page one of Google.
Among their ranks stood the most devoted warriors: the Politicus Defendus Maximus. These specialized trolls had perfected the art of defending the indefensible. Their beloved leaders could burn down orphanages, and they’d cry out, “But what about the fire hazard those children posed?” Their champions could empty the treasury into offshore accounts, and they’d declare, “He’s just being a smart businessman!”
“You’re just jealous of his success!” they’d screech in unison at anyone questioning why their beloved leader needed seventeen gold-plated toilets. “He’s a man of the people!” they’d insist, while said leader dined on caviar-sprinkled wagyu beef in his private jet’s hot tub.
“I have defeated another sheep with my superior logic!” declared Troll237659, proudly pasting the same response for the 847th time that day. The response, a masterpiece of punctuation-free prose copied from a mysterious screenshot of unknown origin, had become their holy scripture.
When their political deity would make an obvious power grab, they’d perform Olympic-level mental gymnastics: “She’s not seizing power, she’s protecting us from democracy! I mean, FROM THREATS TO democracy! Besides, absolute power is totally fine as long as my team has it!”
In their secret Discord lairs, they would congratulate each other on their intellectual prowess:
“Did you see how I owned that PhD in climate science by posting that meme?” “Total destruction! He probably spent years studying while we mastered the art of rapid-fire copy-pasting!” “They’re all NPCs! Unlike us, who share the exact same pre-written responses in perfect unison!” “I just explained how corruption is actually good for the economy! Take that, economists!”
They had developed a sophisticated system of communication, consisting primarily of crying-laughing emojis and the word “ratio.” Any attempt to engage them with facts was met with their ultimate weapon: “That’s what the mainstream media wants you to think!” – copied, naturally, from their shared Google Doc of pre-approved responses.
Their specialty was defending their leader’s wealth: “He’s a billionaire who doesn’t need to steal!” they’d argue, while simultaneously explaining why it was perfectly normal for public servants to have Swiss bank accounts larger than their country’s GDP. “He’s fighting corruption!” they’d insist, as their hero appointed his entire extended family to cabinet positions.
The greatest irony, lost on our brave warriors, was their simultaneous pride in being “free thinkers” while maintaining a hive mind that would make the Borg envious. They fought tirelessly against the “sheep mentality” by bleating identical responses in perfect synchronization.
When someone would point out their leader’s broken promises, they’d respond with their masterpiece: “Name ONE time he lied!” Then, when presented with a comprehensive list, they’d reply, “Nobody’s perfect!” followed by their favorite technique – changing their profile picture to a cartoon frog and posting reaction memes.
Their proudest achievement? Creating an environment so toxic that actual experts fled the platform, leaving behind only other trolls to argue with. “Victory!” they declared, not realizing they were now just shouting into a mirror.
Each night, they would retire to their beds, smartphones clutched triumphantly to their chests, dreaming of the day when everyone would finally recognize their genius. In their dreams, they imagined themselves as the last bastion of truth in a world of lies, conveniently forgetting that truth rarely comes in the form of a copy-pasted wall of text with random capitalization.
And so they continue their noble crusade, these Copy-Paste Warriors, spreading their wisdom one Control+V at a time, blissfully unaware that somewhere, in a distant server farm, an AI is analyzing their behavior and concluding: “Does not compute: claims to fight corruption while defending kleptocracy.”
Perhaps someday they’ll realize that genuine intelligence isn’t measured by the speed of one’s paste function or the flexibility of one’s moral gymnastics. But until then, they march on, an army of identical “unique thinkers,” fighting the good fight against the scourge of original thought, nuanced discussion, and basic arithmetic in public finance.
The end.
(Any resemblance to actual social media users or political sycophants is purely coincidental and definitely not based on every comment section ever.)
