By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo
The author of this best-selling book, “Think Like a Monk”, Jay Shetty became a monk and lived in India for 3 years after graduating from college in England. He discovered the spiritual values and practices of Buddhist monks that we could apply in our day-to-day lives and live in a more peaceful way.
His values are centered on letting go of external expectations from others, negativity towards others, and letting go of attachments. I’ll be adding some Christian point of view to his values because these values or more often referred to as virtues are taught in Catholic teachings as well.
Let Go of External Expectations
This is a mindful practice on being yourself. Most of us go through life with a sense of what our parents and society expect us to do. We pay too much attention on what others think and expect of us. Shetty’s parents expected him to be a doctor or a lawyer, but Shetty knew if he was to live a purpose‐driven life he had to tune out the expectations of others and tune into the person he truly was. In addition to a daily meditation practice, Shetty started a choice awareness practice. Shetty says, “Take stock of the values that currently shape your life and reflect on whether they’re in line with who you want to be and how you want to live.”
When you decide how to spend your time and money (examples: decide to go for lunch with a friend or sign up for a professional development seminar next month), take a second to name the value driving your choice. Then ask yourself, “Is that value true to me?”
Are you signing up for a seminar because you value learning or simply because your boss expects you to go or because most of your office mates are going? As you become aware of the underlying values that drive your decisions, you will make more choices that align with the person you want to be and not merely become the person people expect you to be. You become who you really are when you make decisions based on your personal values.
Let Go of Negativity Towards Others
When you have negative thoughts, how long do you hold onto them? When you have a fight with your spouse, will you continue the argument in your head all week? When you feel cheated by your boss or business partner, are you going to be consumed with bitterness and
hate every time you see them?
In the aftermath of a conflict with others, we spend roughly 1% of the time constructively resolving the issue and 99% needlessly swirling in negative thoughts, which serve no purpose other than to make us miserable. The next time we get into a conflict or argument the author suggests we conduct these three exercises each time bitterness and anger boil up to let go of needless negativity and keep moving forward:
- Transformational forgiving: forgive without waiting for someone to apologize or expecting them to reciprocate goodwill.
- Well‐wishing: generate feelings of joy by reflecting on what you’re grateful for in your life, then imagine passing on your happiness to the person you’re angry at.
- Taking delight in their success: If a friend got the job you wanted, see them celebrating in your mind’s eye, and think “I’m happy for you,” over and over until it feels like their success was your success.
The principles above are aligned with the Christian teaching on forgiveness and love for one’s enemies. When we get into conflict with others, angry thoughts would remain in our heads. The first step in removing them is to forgive. The second is to wish them well. Christ would say, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Mt 5:44) When we pray for our enemies, we are praying that they may get enlightened, turn to God and be sorry for their wrong doings. Praying for them in this manner takes away all bitterness and anger in us. Praying for those who hurt us is actually turning negative thoughts into good ones.
Let Go of Attachment
The author’s third principle is on the virtue of detachment. He says, “Everything—from our houses to our families—is borrowed. Clinging to temporary things gives them power over us, and they become sources of pain and fear.” The author does not say from whom or from where do we owe all that we own. Since he is a Buddhist, let’s assume he says we borrow it from nature. But we Christians know that nature comes from God. Everything in this world boils down to two things: creation and Creator. Everything we have comes from God so we should not get attached to them because we simply don’t own them. We will all have to say goodbye to everything we have in this world when we die, both things and people. The author says our attitude towards the things we own in this world should be like renting a car, enjoy it as a benefit but it’s not our right to own it. Shetty says, “Imagine you’re driving a luxury rental car. Do you tell yourself that you own it? Of course not. You know you only have it for the week, and in some ways, that allows you to enjoy it more—you are grateful for the chance to drive a convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway because it’s something you won’t always get to do.” God wants us not to get attached to things so that we can get attached to more important ones: God and neighbor.
Find Your Dharma Through Selfless Service
Dharma means “calling”. A calling or a vocation is always a calling to serve others. You don’t get a calling to serve yourself, that would be greed or selfishness. The reason for detaching ourselves from the expectations of others, negativity, and things of this world is make us free to serve. Our life here on Earth is not just avoiding bad actions (sin and vices) but doing good things (holiness and virtue) to others. That’s how God has programmed us through our conscience, “Do good and avoid evil.” That is also the program for true happiness on Earth.
