By Prof. Enrique Soriano
Welcome to 2020! The whirlwind of gift-giving and parties that began right after the Halloween and gained momentum through the end of the year is finally over! Every Christmas event is significant as it presents feelings of hope, harmony and most importantly forgiveness for family members that are mired in conflict.
In my years coaching family businesses in Asia, the acrimonious parting between parents and siblings, siblings against siblings, in laws against family members and cousins against cousins have made the task of reconciliation more difficult than ever. There is so much emotion consumed when there are inter-family conflicts.
Conflicts are normal but unresolved conflicts are not. Like any other groups of people, the members of the family have their own set of beliefs, perceptions, diverse ideas and varying personalities. These differences, when left unmanaged, will certainly create divisiveness and tear families apart.
Unity of Parents is Key
Unity in the family begins with a loving parental relationship that sets an example for the family and extends in a personal way to each offspring. Studies have shown that in most families, children’s self-confidence and a sense of personal worth are directly related to the quality of their relationships with their parents. Encouragement and love are important, especially when things may not be going well. It is therefore critical to listen and respect the views of the children. Doing so encourages trust and opens the lines of communication.
Understanding and agreeing on every family member’s roles and expectations as they cross over from being a family member to a manager is an excellent way to build lasting relationships.
Achieving Harmony and Growth
As a family business adviser with consulting firm, Wong + Bernstein Group, a Family Governance firm in Asia, we encourage families to craft powerful agreements that stresses the importance of having a set of values, a family philosophy and a growth vision reinforced by an enforceable code of conduct. Examples of shared values are respect, stewardship, commitment, tolerance, open-mindedness and forgiveness.
Shared Values and a Family Philosophy
Peace is the result of shared values and they must be firmly rooted in the family. To move forward, every member must embrace a well-crafted code of conduct (COD). The core values articulated in the COD will have to remain in the hearts and minds of the members so that peace can begin intrinsically and be evidently seen in the way the family conducts business.
Stewardship and Vision for the Future
Where do we envision the family business in the next 10,50, or even 100 years? Unity in the family and the business can be disrupted when the motivations and objectives of the members of the family are not shared. To achieve growth, the key business leader must set the vision of the company. Leaders must never assume that everyone in the family already knows the direction of the company. As time passes, some family members may tend to forget or may change course, so it is advisable to resonate the company’s vision and reiterate the essence why family members must pursue stewardship and stay united in the business.
Respect
Respect is giving high regard towards the name and image of the family business including that of its employees and of the dignity of the family. Family members ought to be mindful of their thoughts, words and actions, because it can affect how the public will view the company. Honoring the leaders, respecting the chain of command, listening to the advice of non-family managers, and abiding with the rules that delineate the boundaries between family concerns and business matters highlights respect.
Commitment
There is peace when the members of the family are committed to their duties. Rules are defined and personal interests are contained. To avoid the employment of unqualified family members, the family must develop a family participation plan where duties are outlined including the often-neglected metric called accountability.
Tolerance and Accountability
Unity is also about tolerance. And with tolerance comes accountability. Allowing the members of the family to have reasonable options and to do what makes them creative and empowered is practicing tolerance. Gaining control over the family business by not imposing, but by inspiring the members of the family to prevent and solve problems in their unique and efficient ways is also part of leadership.
Open-mindedness and Forgiveness
Being open-minded gives way to forgiveness. Emphasize on the importance of admitting one’s mistakes, apologizing and forgiving one another are hallmarks to maintaining harmonious relationships within the family members.
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Prof Enrique Soriano is a World Bank/IFC Governance Consultant, Senior Advisor of Post and Powell Singapore and the Executive Director of Wong + Bernstein, a research and consulting firm in Asia that serves family businesses and family foundations. He was formerly Chair of the Marketing Cluster at the ATENEO Graduate School of Business in Manila, and is currently a visiting Senior Fellow of the IPMI International School, Jakarta.
He is an associate member of the Singapore Institute of Directors (SID) and an advisor to business families worldwide, a sought after governance speaker at conferences, and book author, more than 200 articles and publications, including two best-selling Family Business books (Ensuring Your Family Business Legacy 2013 and 2015). You can read Prof Soriano’s business articles for free at www.Faminbusiness.com
